Español para ingleses

Curso de español para ingleses y más...
LESON UAN: (Leedlo en alto si podeis, si no, no tiene gracia)
There's always something to learn or to try, many times you need to
say some phrase in Spanish, but you don't know how to say it, don't
worry, your problems have finished, if you are a gringo and you don't
know speak Spanish, the Smart Gringo will be helpful in your learning.
For instance, we took from it some common phrases, just try and you're gonna see the difference and how easy is speak Spanish.
INSISTO: LEEDLO EN ALTO

Boy as n r = Voy a cenar = I'm gonna have dinner
N L C John = en el sillon = on the armchair
Who and seek ago = Juan se cago = John is a chicken things.
S toy tree stone = estoy triston = I'm kind a sad.
Lost trap eat toss = los trapitos = the little rags
Desk can saw = descanso = (you) rest.
As say toon as = aceitunas = olives.
The head the star mall less stan dough = deje de estar molestando =stop bugging me.
See eye = si hay = yes we have
T n s free o ? = tienes frio = are you cold?
T N S L P P B N T S O = Tienes el pipi bien tieso = you have an erection.
Tell o boy ah in cruise tar = Te lo voy a incrustar = I'm going to insert it in you